shannnbug

nerdofchaos:

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

see you all in hell

fishingboatproceeds

So this happened at Subway the other day

  • Me wearing my Pizza John shirt at subway:
  • Sandwich Artist: Who's that guy?
  • Me: Um... John Green.
  • Sandwich Artist: I've heard that name before. Is he like running for president?
  • Me: No.. He wrote some books. You've probably heard of The Fault In Our Stars.
  • Sandwich Artist: oh yeah. That thing . Well he should run for president. I'd vote for him, since I take it from your shirt he's a pizza fan. I'm pro pizza.